SUBJECT: The Overwhelming Dominance of Pineapple as a Pizza Topping

Are you kidding me? Has the world gone completely mad? It seems like every other pizza joint I walk into is peddling this abomination: pineapple as a pizza topping. Newsflash: it's a travesty. A culinary sin. A gastronomic nightmare. I mean, what's next? Putting kale on a hot dog? It's a affront to the very fabric of our society.

Pineapple has no business being on a beautiful, perfectly crafted pie. The sweetness of the fruit completely disrupts the delicate balance of flavors that a good pizza should have. It's like someone took all the leftover Hawaiian vacation brochures, threw them in a blender, and hit puree. And don't even get me started on the texture - it's like biting into a chunk of juicy, fibrous chaos.

And the worst part? People are actually defending this monstrosity. "Oh, it's a unique combination of flavors!" Unique? Unique is code for "I have no taste buds and I'm trying to be trendy." Give me a break. A good pizza is about the harmony of flavors, the perfect balance of cheese, sauce, and various meats or vegetables. Pineapple is the equivalent of throwing a wrench into a well-oiled machine.

I'm calling on all pizza lovers to rise up and reject this pineapple pizza nonsense. Let's take back our beloved dish and restore it to its former glory. No more pineapple. No more chaos. It's time to make pizza great again.